Closer

When I was a little boy I was so afraid of the dark. So much so that I would be laying in bed and have to pee and well I wouldn’t go cause I was sure there was something out there to get me. I would hold it to point of no return and then bolt down to the end of the hall where the bathroom was and flip on the light, “Safe”. I had this fear of monsters as a child. Maybe one to many shows on TV that I wasn’t suppose to be watching. I was just scared of the things I didn’t know. I would do my business and then look back down the hall to see if anything was out there. It would take me a while to build up the courage to run back, being I had a little less motivation than my reasoning for going to the bathroom in the first place. Eventually I would build up the nerve and take off running back for my bedroom. I was so sure that what ever was out there, that was trying to get me had moved from the hallway to under my bed. I would run full force and then leap, “landing safe” yet again.

 

I don’t really have a lot of memories of ever really calling out for help. I think I had this underlining thought that I wasn’t suppose to be scared of things that weren’t really there. I still was though.

 

As I have gotten older my not wanting to call out for help hasn’t changed much. I don’t know why hiding from the things that hurt and scare us are so natural. I have found that God is the only healing force that gets me through the monsters of life yet it takes everything in me to believe that. I’m trying to learn to let go and trust and most importantly draw closer to God.

 

I was going through one of the darkest and scariest times in my life these last few years. Peering down the old dark hallway wondering if there would still be love on the other side. I was sitting with a friend of mine talking about the darkness we find our selves in, and we could only come to one common ground, that the only way out of darkness is to draw near to light, it is to draw near to the life giver so that our lives can be healed.

 

I named my new record and my song closer for a reason. Even though closer is such a simple thought it is one of the most vital point of our faith. I think that God desires our closeness with him much more than we realize. Where we spend our time is what makes us who we are. I don’t know about you but I want life and I want it in abundance, making closer why I live.

 

 

 

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13 responses to “Closer

  • Becky

    I love this. Thanks for this today. I know I needed it!

  • Donna4music

    So often i relate to your realness. Your life struggles. Your pain.
    I’ve been through the divorce. The darkness and desparity. For me, I felt I had disappointed God so much. I also had sin in my life, and know that part of what I went thru was the consequences of that sin.
    Now 3 yrs after that time, I can look at life through clearer eyes as a stronger person and of course know God was with me through every step of those hard times, and just want to be “Closer” to our Lord.

    Can’t wait for the new CD to be released!
    Thanks Sean for keeping things real.

  • April

    You write, “Peering down the old dark hallway wondering if there would still be love on the other side.”

    When crossed that dark hallway, did you find love?

  • Nicole

    I know exactly what you mean. I was also one who jumped onto my bed for fear that something beneath would reach out and grab my foot to drag me under. Though, I’ve always been too reasonable for my own good, telling myself that is there really was something it could just snatch me off the bed anyway. I took refuge in reason, not ever seeking help.

    I agree with you completely. And I know that you mean it by your songs. Your heart reaching out to God is evident in your music, and I can’t help but to sing along with you. There are others at my church who are also moved by your music, and we are praying for you. Let Him fill your heart, and comfort you.

  • Jenny

    Good post. Isn’t it crazy how we let our fears go so far and then only deal with them when we absolutely must? I can really relate to that. It seems that humans we are such defensive creatures, we try to escape pain and hurts as much as we can. It is interesting how natural it is though. I agree that when in darkness the best thing is to head toward the light. I’m struggling to believe in God right now, but loving others and seeing the good in them and striving to have a positive impact on them is my goal. I guess that’s what I would consider the light at this point. Anyway, thanks for the blog and the honesty that you always bring. Can’t wait for March 22nd – no matter what I feel about God, you music always touches my heart and inspires me. Hang in there Shawn!

  • Lisa

    Shawn,I have been battling the dark lately and came to the same conclusion, I need to draw nearer to God. I have just been a user in my realtionship with Him, afraid to be loved by Him, because I have not felt worth loving. I am greatful that He loves me anyway, more than I can fully understand. I am working on growing closer to Him and it is making all the difference in how I feel and see myself, I am seeing things better looking through His eyes better than I could see with my own. Love ya, love the music you make thanks for sharing yourself with us all!

  • Kelly

    Friend,

    C.S. Lewis wrote a sensitive letter to a friend in light of a life struggle that I feel you might like (forgive me if it doesn’t apply).

    “You were almost miraculously supported in such anxiety before, and I pray you may be now. And I think it is happening. Your faith is a support to me as well as to yourself….I can only hope that through all this you are being brought closer to God than you would have been otherwise. And it is not forever (wouldn’t it be ghastly to be immortal on earth?). It will all one day go away like a dream.”

    Peace and hope

  • Amy (Metz) Walker

    Shawn, I’ve been a “fan” of your music…well, your lyrics most of all…for a while and Closer is absolutely your best yet in my mind. Real and, therefore, so powerful…

    …and this post, I want to keep appropriate boundaries and not overshare but you can’t possibly know how much I identify with where your words. I ran past dark doorways as a little girl and, somehow never felt safe. Always living under the fear of what I didn’t know and couldn’t control. But the part that got me was where you said you “don’t really have a lot of memories of ever really calling out for help”. Yeah, me either.

    But I’m learning. And really, isn’t it all about the journey?

    Rising,

    Amy Walker

  • Brittany

    I really like this song it’s kinda my hearts cry. I’m going to do a human video to it for fine arts festival here in Columbus, OH. It would be really neat if you could see it but im sure you’re busy :)I really admire you and your passion for Christ! God bless!

  • tlsings

    Hey Shawn. We’re finally experiencing a thaw here in Michigan-it may actually feel like Spring today! Anyhow, just wanted to say that I love the new album! Honestly wasn’t sure at first with some of the new sounds/styles, but the more I listen, the more I’m lovin’ it! I pop the CD in everytime I take a drive in the car (well, ahem…minivan) 🙂 Currently, I’m hitting repeat over and over again on your song, “Comfort.” Thanks for taking risks on this album & continuing to share your gifts with us. Praying that God is healing those broken places & that you are experiencing freedom & life in Him!

  • Niklas

    I’ve been listening to your new record on Spotify for the last 24 hours and it’s absolutely great! I’ve also ordered the cd and I just want to tell you that you are doing a great job! I’ve been listening to your music the last couple of years and the lyrics have helped me through a lot of hard times. They are always encouraging and moving the focus from the problems to the Lord! Thanks Shawn for sharing your talent! This is the best album yet!

  • AJ

    Sometime in Spring 2009 you came to my college for a concert and I connected with your stories and songs and was also struck by how humble and real you were in person. Soon after that I entered what has probably been the darkest, toughest two years of my life and when all I could do was lay in the dark and hope that God was still there I would put on your songs and fall asleep to them. A couple days ago I found this blog and honestly I can’t believe how real and vulnerable you are but I’m glad for it. And when looking back I think of what kind of tough time it was for you when you came cross country to sing for a little audience of college kids, it amazes me that you would do that and that you are still running to God no matter what.

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