Category Archives: Passion

The “What If”

Well its been a really long time since I blogged. And when I say a long time I mean upwards of 6 years. Writing for me is sort of a way for me to vent and release my thoughts on this thing we call life. But that’s just it. “Life Happens” and then the darkness sets in, the fear whispers to us, and the silence follows. I started believing that my life had nothing to offer. Fear robs us of who we truly are, who we can become, who we want to be. Fear is a THIEF! We sit in the shadows believing we have nothing to give. What if I try and I fail? What if I give it my everything and it just isn’t good enough? What if? But what if it’s not about any this. When we were young we ran in to everything Wide Eyed and Open armed. Maybe it was because we had not felt life’s sting yet. Until life truly happens we feel as if we are invincible. But any of us that have gone through the darkness know this to not be true. We are truly frail beings.

The last few years have been scary. Some months not even knowing how we will pay our bills and just when I think it can’t possibly get any scarier it does. The life of a musician and creative is not for everyone.

What is this dream I’m chasing with all of me? Is it really worth it? Am I only seeing what’s on the other side of the fence? What is this passion that is burning so bright in me? Why can’t I just quit? But we all know that if we give up on our dreams then apart of who we are will die as well. See it’s within our dreams that hope and faith birth. We pursue because of the “what if?”. I have never wanted to be famous. Fame scares me to death. I don’t write music so I can be an entertainer. It’s hard to entertain and be honest! Song writing is healing for me. At the end of the day we are only accountable for our own lives. Its not a competition to be better than others but a hope to be the best version of our selves. And maybe in being the best version of ourselves we will help others find theirs.

As I pursue a new record, I’m faced with a lot of questions. What will this moment look like? What will these songs sound like? I wish I could fully answer these questions but I’m not sure I will be able to until I’m in the thick of it. I know one thing though. It will be honest and human. It will be full of darkness and light. I am moving towards Organic sounds and production. I don’t really care if these songs make it on the radio. I would rather someone just give them to a friend then chase corporate formula. I hope they heal! I hope they are full of life.

The reality of making music is that it takes a lot of resources, and up until this point I have never really thought twice about it because I had a Record Label funding all of it. But that is not where I am at today. It’s just me now. No one is helping. So that is why I’m reaching out to you. I need your help and the fear in me says don’t ask. I’m not looking for a hand out. I’m asking you to join me and believe that greatness is possible. That when we put our whole hearts and minds into something that beauty will be the final result.

Thanks so much!


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Welcome to 2011!

Well it is 2011! By god we made it. Not really sure what we made but we are here, a new year. Now I assume that everyone is always asking you what your new year resolution is, and when I hear this I kind of cringe, maybe it is the lack of come through of the resolutions I have made in the past or the fact I get a little disheartened at things that come out of a place of deed rather than need. But the idea of a Resolution is great if you think about it. We are choosing to lay down the bad things we possess in exchange for something new and of value. The come through is not always as consistent as the want to come through, but success never comes without failure of some sort. I have been thinking this over for a few days and trying to come up with something in me that I would like to see change and be different, I guess I will share with you where I decided to land my plane.

My Resolution~ is to stop trying to be cute and clever and start to be more intentional and true.

I think that we live in a time where is it somewhat in to be “cute” and  “clever”. The clever little one-liners that trick others into believing we are cuter than we really are. Twitter and Face Book are notorious for this. We try so hard to think up little lines that are designed not to change people or their lives but to self market ourselves and get people to believe in a shallow idea of who we really are. Now please don’t miss hear me, cause I don’t really think it is wrong to be cute or clever, for me it is a matter of heart and truth and motivation. If our motivation is to woo people into our selves then I feel it is something that we should take a deep look at, but if it just a reflection of who we are and our hearts are pure, then well so be it.

I am trying to just stand in truth of who I am and stop worrying if people like me or not. The reality is that there is always someone who doesn’t like you. That is the beauty in difference. People see things differently than the next, and so cycles the ever changing world we live in.

I pray over this blog and my songs all the time. I never want to be just a noise that drowns the truth from people’s lives. I want my life to have purpose and meaning, and hopefully by the power of a fiery eyed Rabi who sacrificed his life so that we could find a road worth traveling upon, you will find life here as well. What ever your new years resolution is let it be done with intention and truth. Welcome to 2011!!

All I Need Cover!

so i found this today and all i have to say as these girls blessed my socks off!

Trains, Planes, and pot smokings hippies!!

this is another old post that I thought was worthy of a revisit.

So here I am again, sitting on another over filled flight. Unhappy people all around me, you know that feeling of sitting next to some random person you don’t know, with no room to move. All around are babies crying, and “that” little kid kicking the back of your seat. Wondering what am I doing here? Flying has become a way of life for me. Always flying to the next city. Always far from home, in fact home has not been seen now for almost two months. Missing it, missing life when it stood still.

You see life has not always been like this. Music is not something I have been doing for years and years. I never wrote songs cause I wanted people to listen to them. I Just wrote cause it was a way to release all the stuff that is bottled up in side of me. It’s my way of telling God how I feel. I just express my feelings best in song. Maybe that is why you are here. Maybe you felt connected to the words and feeling of the songs and so found your self here, reading my blog. I try to think up reasons of why people listen to my music. There is better music out there. Maybe I have found a fad and well I am here today and gone tomorrow.

Who knows really? Life is so funny sometimes. It’s so unknown. How we go from point A and end up on point B is so beyond me. The journey is so unknown. Maybe that is what makes it so exciting. The discovery of ones self, the Finding of your beliefs and deciding to have faith in something. It is crazy how it all works.

I remember back to the age of twenty and my young carefree way of living. Not really thinking to far ahead but taking life and enjoying it as it came. Life was always an adventure. I had this love to go new places, well had is a bad word to put there cause I still do. So yeah, I love to travel. I didn’t have a car so well I would throw up the thumb and wait for some random chap to say, “Hey I think I want to give that guy a ride”.

It is amazing the type of people that will pick up a random stranger. Usually they are completely crazy or its some hippie guy that had smoked way to much pot, that I was wondering how is it that he can still drive or some girl that was feeling sorry for my baby like face And was like “ he looks harmless” or you no the pastor that was like “I am going to save this random traveler from death to life in the matter of a hour or more”. Those were the typical people that I would encounter.

On this particular day it was a young hippie Kid, and quite an interesting one at that. He was rather high and lacking a lot of sleep so I could tell you that, my life flashed in before my eyes a couple of times. He picked me up on my way to Bend Or. I was heading home to see the folks. He was full of stories and interesting ideas. he kept telling about how if you held a rock and listened to it you could find its energy. He kept explaining to me his way of seeing things and how life was exciting to him. Telling me about his life and how God is real to him. He talked about the rush of jumping into ice-cold water and the shock value that that would bring to ones body. He called it “a natural way to wake up”. As I sat and listen to this guys stories and watch his face light up when he talk about something he really loved, he taught me something. He taught me to live my life with passion and love. That it is better to live positive than to find the negitive in your everyday. That sometimes you can see both but it is a matter of which one you choose to walk in. I might not agree with everything he stood for but that is again the beauty of life. He found joy in the things that God had created. I found that refreshing.

I feel sorry for people that try to put life and God into a box. Thinking they have it all figured out. Thinking that somehow cause they have read a few books they have some corner on life that others don’t have. If life has taught me anything it is that the older I get the dumber I really am. It is by grace that we have walked this far and it will be grace that walks us the rest of the way home.

The Man in the Corner

This was an older post from an old blog that I felt like republishing. enjoy!

I would have to say I am a fan of Starbucks. Now before you judge me and throw out everything I have ever written or sung let me explain.

How many times have you gone to some random coffee shop and ordered your usual, and gotten something not even close to what you remember a good cup of coffee tasting like. Well for me this happens a lot.

Now in Seattle to get a bad cup of coffee, well you have to kind a work to find one. It is more rare here than in other places. But as I travel all the time, and my coffee experiences out side of my city walls are well, an adventure to say the lease.

My drink of choice is an Iced Americano. I love them. No sugar, no milk, just an iced black cup of pure coffee goodness. You are probably saying ick. That sounds so nasty, and to some it probably is. It is strong and bitter and well tastes just like coffee, cause that’s what it is. Straight black coffee, and I love it.

So here is why I like Starbucks. I always know, what I am getting. Nothing to fancy but it is constant, and to me, well worth my searching of a local Bucks. Now every once in a blue moon when the bucks is nowhere to be found I stumble into a local coffee house to find my self pleasantly surprise. But more times then not, they are like you want what? How do I make that, and well that is a huge, run for the border, don’t do it, it is going to taste like poo, kind a of find.

Anyways all that to say, I went to Starbucks today and I didn’t want you to judge my reasoning of why I went there. Ha.

Something I have been talking about is “finding the simples” in life. Finding those moments of God in the everyday things we see so often.

Today it was raining, in good old Seattle. Who would of thought? I was sitting in one of those comfy little chairs that the bucks seems to fill there stores with. I was reading and well kind a just watching the people around me, go about their business.

Today there was this man who was sitting in the corner by the window reading a book and seemed completely oblivious to anything going on around him. He seemed to be somewhere else and was finding great Joy there.

Now let me take a sec and set him up. Cause he wasn’t the normal guy I would picture sitting in Starbucks and reading a book.

He had very shaggy hair, and a straggly bread and cloths that seemed to be from a few generations back. He was somewhat dirty and kind of looked like he needed a shower. He had very soft eyes, and well if you have ever seen the American Picture of Jesus, well he was quite close, minus the white robe. Now if I were to have past him on the street I would probably just have jumped to the conclusion that he was just another local homeless man. And well maybe he was, but I don’t usually see homeless men reading the bible and hanging out in a Starbucks.

As I watched him reading I was just really taken but the way he would read for a moment and then stare off into space sifting through the findings that he was discovering in the book that lay before him. He seemed so taken by it, as if it was the only thing in life that even mattered to him, and at that, maybe it was.

I wanted so bad to just go and sit down with him, and listen to what he had to say. To hear his story, and what had lead him to the Starbucks in which we sat.

I fear so often the result of what might happen that I miss out on what could happen. I feel as if this man had something I didn’t have; yet that is probably just a feeling I had. Never the less I still wish I had talked to him. I still have his picture so deeply imbedded in my mind. Hopefully I will see him again, and maybe this time I will go and hear what it was that he was finding.

As of now, to me, he is, the man in the corner.

Sucker punched!

A couple days ago I received some news that hit me so hard I truly felt I could not breath. The pain was way over my head. My mind started racing and thinking to my self that I didn’t know how to handle the blow of what i had just been given. As I wrestle for 2 days with anger and hurt, trying not to be bitter and choosing to walk in what we are called to walk in, that being forgiveness. it is one thing to claim we can forgive but is really different to lay down your pain and choose love. You could say that Good Friday this year was the realest it has ever been. That i truly felt a death of sorts. But as I sit here today focusing on the Risen Savior I am reminded that the reason Jesus died was for the breaking of sin and pain and death. I stand here today believing on the name of our lord Jesus, knowing that he is the only one who can save us from our messy lives.
I spent this Easter very alone. I longed today for family more than I have ever longed, but knowing that some how everything is going to be OK. Gods love does not change no matter the storms that life throw our way. Today I prayed and prayed that God would rise in me and in all of you. That his realness and truth would burst forth and life would be new.
I covet your prayers so much! I don’t know how to face the storm that lay in front of me.
if you can find the time to lift my life up, I ask that you pray Gods Strength in me that I might walk upright and to choose righteousness in the storms that I know I am going to soon battle my way through.
thanks much

The Water Within

I have been I guess you could say a tear factory as of lately. Seems like it doesn’t take much to send me into a heavy cry. Sometimes it is just ridiculous what starts it. I was watching “House” the other night and I swear I cried for a better half of the show, now granted it was a quite sad episode but never the less the tears just kept a coming. It was about a little girl who had cancer and her courage to fight and find the best of the day, it was well moving me. I don’t know what it is about people concurring obstacles and over coming hardships that are so empowering. Deep down in us whether we want to admit it, we long to see others succeed. And when we do well for me, the tears just start pouring.

I have always been a crier, every since I was a little boy. My soul and spirit are very sensitive to things, and I can’t watch TV without bursting into a water hose. I use to think it was a bad thing and hate the fact that I couldn’t control it. I was teased a bigger part of my life because of how sensitive I was. But I have come to a place of embracing the fact that it is just who I am. Most of the time it is a weird joy-giving cry. A cry that somehow I believe is healing the wounds within.

Crying is such a weird thing, you know? Your body or mind feels something so much that it convulses and spits water from you r eyes. That you lose all composer and crumble, it is quite a mystery. The bible even says that Christ cried. I wonder what that would have sounded like. What would the God of all, sound like weeping his pain. Such a mystery, yet so profound. I really don’t have an ending to this post; I guess I just wanted to ramble some thoughts. Anyways hope life is in a place of deep feeling for you.


In The Studio!

here is a short clip of cutting the strings on one of the songs for the new record. hope you enjoy