Recently I have made a new friend. I am coming to the conclusion that friends are far and few between in this little town in OH. I have been here now almost 6 months and this is the first guy I have had any kind of connection with. His name is Gabe, and he is from Alaska. I think that that was it. When he told me he was from Alaska I was like I think I like this guy already. Alaska in my opinion is just a more rugged extension of the North West. He has got to like some of the same things as me. I mean what is there to do in Alaska, drink coffee, go fishing, and enjoy the great outdoors, and well sure enough that is the way of it. We both like about the same things. Kind of a kindred spirit of sorts, yet one major difference between the two of us. He is very bitter towards God and I well Love him deeply.
He came over yesterday and we talked about life for a couple hours. Some how we got on the conversation of God and how he felt about him. He seemed rather angry and when he started to explain why, I couldn’t really blame him. I guess that his girl friends brother had told him over Christmas dinner one year that because he was raised catholic he was going to hell. Wow!! He began to describe him to me and I thought to my self that if this is what it means to be a Christian then no wonder so many hate us. He says that he is married yet still lives at home with his wife. That they feel called to not work and live off of his parents in the name of ministry, but he really does nothing I guess. His way of things is well to tell you about everything you are doing wrong and how everything he is doing is right. He told me about how harsh and unfriendly he is. He told me how he doesn’t like the fact that he is dating his sister cause he doesn’t have the same beliefs as him. I am like where does love fall in to this? Aren’t we called to love people? I wanted to just apologize over and over for the pour encounter of Christ followers this guy had come in contact with. I fear this story is way to common.
He told me about His best friends death and how he didn’t understand how God could take away someone that was such a good person. I just sat there and listened, knowing that this guy just needs someone to love him. Someone to care for his heart and his life, I could tell he was dieing to just share his thoughts with someone. I am not really sure how close we will be but I am glad that I at least get to be, hopefully a friend in his life.
So I went to Hawaii a couple of weeks ago and got some pics for you all. now don’t be jealous when you see my hunk of a bod!! 😉
I sit tonight with a deep sadness filling my heart. Life for the last two years have been the hardest two years I can remember and for me that is saying a lot, cause I have seen a lot of hard days. I have sought help from so many places, prayer, pastors, counselors, Medication, friends. I have talked my problems out till I felt blue in the face. I refuse to let my heart die. I refuse to give up. Everywhere I go I am haunted by 3 numbers and it seems funny to even say that. how can you be haunted by numbers, but I am. It is the hotel room i am in, or the the date of the day, the time i just happen to look at the clock, the length of the new song. They won’t leave me alone. At first I thought it was John 3:16 that i kept seeing but I have come to feel it is deeper than that. I feel God is say 1 John 3:16. That a man must lie down his life for another. I feel that God has been telling me to die. I feel scared and alone at times, I don’t know how to die. I feel so often that no one understands and if I shared my darkest hour I feel sometimes the Love would end. I don’t know why God blesses what I do for my heart is so dirty. My marriage had been far from even a swim in a ditch. It has been hard as hell, can I say that, cause that is what i truly feel. Thing is I love my wife So much yet I fail her so much. How could this war in me be so strong. How could I let the evil one hold me so hard. My heart yearns for the truth in yet it is so easy to sometimes settle, for the road of love is so hard. I still ask for prayer. I want my family. please pray for Gods mercy for my family. Is it morbid for me to ask for death even when I feel it is what I truly need? My will, my wants, my dreams, need to die. I feel so heavy yet know that I can not bare this burden on my own anymore. I fear the future. I fear the fall. I Long for your words to the father, not to me. I don’t want to hear how great I am for I know the truth of my heart, I long for the birth in spirit and death in flesh. Let Christ find glory in the broken places of stinky humans.
here is a short clip of cutting the strings on one of the songs for the new record. hope you enjoy
So it is that time again. We have been working away in the studio to bring you my forth record. This has got to be my favorite part of being a musician. I love the creative process and the chance to play new music. As usual I try really hard to be different and that means even from my self. I am not a fan of staying in the place of safe. I am always challenging my self to grow and be progressive. So that being said I am trying to prepare you for the record to come. It is not like any record I have made yet so far, but it is not so far you will be like “HUH!” I am extremely excited about this project. I feel that up to this far in my musical journey this is the best project I have every made. Maybe it is because I am so close to it but I really believe in the music I create. I guess you could say this project is Intellectual artsy pop. It is a bit more towards the pop side of things but I hope in a really creative form. I love melodies and hooks, yet I also so love creative thoughts that connect to our souls. So after much study and thought I am bringing you hopefully my best project yet. I will be blogging a lot about this record slowly revealing the heart and thought behind it. I will be making behind the seen videos and fun little here & there’s so please keep in tune to what is to come. I hope all of you well and I pray for our hearts as the human race to find life and life to its fullest form.